You know what’s cool about art? It doesn’t exist until you create it. Canvas, paper, metal, stone. The art doesn’t happen until you make it happen. Sometimes that’s a hard thing. Sometimes the “blank” is overwhelming, and we are paralyzed with fear.
Sometimes you want to move forward, but you can’t. Sometimes you want the words to spill onto the page in perfect form igniting the senses, but they don’t. Sometimes, sometimes, just…sometimes. This is one of those moments. Maybe you’ve been there too. What do we do? We just walk it out. Acknowledge that it may not be the best day, but you’re still here on the earth – alive and breathing. Nothing could be better than that, and tomorrow will be different. A new hope, a new spring, a newness will come upon you if you look for it and believe.
I begin and end with one of my favorite scriptures in the bible. It’s all about purpose, talents, abilities and using them for the glory of God (my loose interpretation – I’m no theologian), but here it is from 1 Timothy 4:
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.
If I’m going to be real then I’m going to write about the intimidation (a lifetime of it hidden from public view). If I’m going to write about what I don’t want to write about then I’m going to write about the experience of story coaching (life changingly good) and being amongst a very, very experienced, well-versed community of writers and feeling like I don’t quite fit in. If I’m going to be honest, then I’m going to write about how I feel so far out of my league. If I’m going to be honest I’m going to tell you that I’m ready to quit – and we just only started. I’m going to have to relive some pain, acknowledge some hurt and unbelief, and let people know it’s safe to come near me. I’m going to have to uncover old things that I don’t want to deal with but that I have to deal with in order to move forward. I’m going to dig my heels into the ground and build this dream. But… If I’m going to be honest, I’m letting you know I might quit. If I’m going to be honest, this is too much for me. If I’m going to be honest, I don’t think I can take it. I’m just being honest.
The moment you decide to invest in yourself, like for real for real, is the moment the floodgates open; and that thing you were always designed to do flows out of you like a mighty, rushing river. You can’t stop it now. You get caught up in it. You get caught in the undertow.
You learn to relax rather than flailing about. You learn to swim in it. You learn its ebb and flow. You learn where danger lurks. You see where hidden beauty lies. You learn to plumb the depths. You learn to rise above the water line. You learn to navigate to the shore. You learn how to dive back in again and again.