No, I’m Not Okay {Real Talk Tuesday}

not together m davidson

I’m not the first, nor will I be the last.  Suspend all judgment for a brief reading moment.  When was the last time you had a real, knock-down-drag-outfight with God?  Real talk, now.  Don’t lie.  OR… maybe you’ve never had one of those.

When did you rail at the Sky, question, doubt, ponder, or even falter?  Be truthful now.  You’re only lying to yourself if you’re trying to cover up your “perfect view” of your faith walk.  Can  I just tell you something in this right-now moment?  It’s okay.  Later or soon, rather have it sooner than later, you will come to the crossroads of the breaking point.

You are not alone.

This is what shame does.  It stakes a claim on our lives forbidding us to live fully.  Shame masquerades as self-preservation, avoidance, numbing, and withdrawal.  Ouch.  What I once perceived as a defense mechanism was really a chain-and-bondage maker.  I’m done living that way, but how do you break free?  Today I want to share a little bit of my story.

I started this blog because I like to write.  I write about what matters most to me: faith, hope, living authentically, encouragement, and living life.  I thought I had a handle on all those things until March of this year.  While I’ve always wanted to write about authenticity, there had been an unsettling disconnect growing within me.  I wasn’t being authentic.  Truth be told, I was masquerading and hiding in the shadows of make-believe.  That’s no way to live.

I’m working through the process of owning the truth of my whole story, even the bent and broken pieces.  I’m learning to sit in the discomfort of broken down lies I once believed about myself.  It’s been hard, but I want full freedom, and that means a holy reckoning.  Part of the breaking means dealing forthright with shame and how it has slandered my soul, my perspective, how I deal with conflict and relationships, living authentically, and how it skews my view of God.

be merciful God_mdavidson

What I’m learning about breaking shame is to tell the truth, the whole truth, and that includes the parts of my story I’d rather leave unknown, piled under a heap of blackened forget-me-dirt.  The only problem with hiding parts of your life is that you don’t live fully or authentically.  This was a painfully stunning realization for me, one I didn’t welcome right away.  However, I can see now that the only way I’m really going to live free in Christ and walk in truth is to allow the whole of my heart and soul to be seen and heard.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to splay my soul across this blog or social media.  I have a real life community of people who are walking with me on a similar journey.  I couldn’t be more grateful for them.  Because of these people, I’ve been able to express dark thinks I never could before.  Beloved, that is freedom – the freedom to be seen, heard, and accepted -without condition, without judgment.

For one of the first times in my life I know I belong.  Working out the brokenness in community has allowed me to see the many ways shame took me captive. Shame said “stay in the shadows.”  Shame said “you don’t belong.” Shame said “you’re not worth it.”   Shame said “why even bother.”  Shame said “it’s not for you to dream”.  Shame said “don’t start to live right”.  Shame said “you are beyond repair”. Beloved, these were and still are lies.  I want you to know we can break the power of shame in our lives.  I’ll tell you what I’m doing to break the shame.

not ashamed mdavidson 2014

Breaking shame means speaking life to my soul.  Breaking shame means refusing to judge myself harshly.  Breaking shame means stepping into the light and sharing the broken, black bits of sorrow and pain in my own heart.  Breaking shame means allowing the whole self to be loved by a community of people who desire freedom too.  Breaking shame means I do not have to live complicit with lies or mistruths.  Breaking shame means accepting the lovingkindness and tender mercies of God.  It means accepting grace each day.  There is more than enough grace for you and for me, yes, more than enough.

It is a new journey for me, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to live in the freedom the blood of Christ purchased for me.  I’m giving up pretending to have it all together.  I’m done trying to vainly cover up my frail humanity.  Today, I break shame. Beloved, you can too. 

You have a choice in the matter.  You don’t have to live a prisoner to the lying whims of shame.  You can walk out freedom, one step and one day at a time.  Let’s just be more real, raw, and honest about our struggles.  When we tell our stories, that stupid shame gets broken.

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In this first Real Talk Tuesday Link Up, we’re talking about shame.  Yes, we are breaking shame.  We don’t have to give it power in our lives any more. So welcome to the first Real Talk Tuesdays Link Up.  In this space we want to hash out what it’s like to live out faith in the ordinary, everyday mundane. Each month we’ll talk about issues that matter, like real being, real living, real authenticity, and unashamed faith in God. There’s a place for you at the table.

Your voice will be heard here. We’re ready to listen to your stories. We honor each voice here.  All we ask is:

  1. Share your post (the actual post link URL).
  2. Comment on the person before you or after you.
  3. Encourage that person.
  4. Share the link up. Use hash tag #breakingshame or #wearerealtalk to share the love.
  5. As always may our words be seasoned with salt and grace.  May our words empower, encourage, and equip.

We only ask that you be mindful of who may be reading your words {We want to keep it G-PG rated}.  And now, let’s go break shame down.  Beat back to the earth, to smithereens.  It no longer has a right to ruin our lives.

Grab the Real Talk Tuesday Button Too.

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