So I’m writing a book, a second memoir of sorts. It’s been an interesting process and also emotionally exhausting. I’ve rediscovered and also uncovered new things about life, faith, and pressing in to life. None of the writing has been easy, but I think it has been worth it to dig in to the whole truth hidden behind doors. Of course, writing memoir can take a lot of a person. Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes you come to the page blank. Words won’t come. You’re staring at a blank screen. Nothing is making sense. I had that moment the other day. Continue reading Still You Are Here
I want to remember the fragrance
Of His death because
It gave me sweetness of life Continue reading I Want to Remember
Reflection, looking back, and thinking deep are things I like to do. I think of writing as a way of cataloguing life – its ups, downs, and all-arounds. 2013 was just one of “those” years. You know the kind? You scratch your head wondering what the heck just happened here. Yeah, that’s the one.
This has been a year of tossing, turning, breaking, connecting, stepping back, and moving forward. It has been a year of unexpected blessing and grace in the uncommon hours.
Today, I want to share with you my favorite words from 2013. Maybe they’ll remind you that even among the ashes, there is beauty. Continue reading A Baker’s Dozen – Remembering 2013
Ever catch a fleeting glimpse of yourself – the real self – like a flash of lightning? In an instant you see a picture of what who you could be, but in that same instant it’s gone. You grasp at it. Futile. Those moments can be frustrating, but I’m learning if I settle into the unrest of the moment, the flash will come again. It will stay moments longer. The more I give myself to being in the stillness of the chaos; those flashes turn to steady-staying light, and I can focus on the forming me. Then comes that moment. You know the one. It’s the AHA! moment of the soul. The moment you realize, “this is who I really am! Why have I been hiding?” Some days are harder than others. Some days are drudgery. You make yourself push through the foggy unclear. And some days you just have to crash your own life. I do mean literally.
So much to be done. So much to be said. So much to believe. It is enough. It is too much. It is not enough. It is more than the mind can encompass and She’s still got miles to go.
She’ll keep running. She’ll keep moving forward. She is only one of many. She is a voice, peaking out from a hidden corner. A whisper growing in the dark, “I’m here. Now what?”
Whisper she hears, “Forward and believe.”
Bright lights. Life sounds. Incredible movement flowing here, there, and everywhere. Create. Space. Space to create. The burden will not leave until it has spoken. Then sits she here or there in the silence – waiting, waiting, waiting with miles still to go.
Outer branches hide the heart flurries. No one sees the hidden depth. No danger here as far as they can see. She, in the shadow of the Wing, in the cleft of the Rock, is peaking from behind Him. “Is it okay to come out now?” Peaking still from hidden corners.
Whispers she hears. A song is sung that she’s heard over and over again. So much to be done. So much to be said. Still so much to be and miles to go and go and go. “Forward and believe,” says He.
Rustling leaves. Wind blows. Dead things fall. She is revealed. One eye opened, the other squinting in reflex while whispers she hears, “come out, come out. It’s okay.”
One step forward. Free falling. She is not afraid. Whirling and twirling in a fog of thoughts, out of bounds she is. Whispers she hears. Still His song, “stay with Me, stay. I’ll catch you.” Miles to go she knows, but He here to hold her up with so much to be done, in her heart’s it’s been said. She believes. He is enough.